I Hate Cows

 Today started off as a typical day at work. With my back to the window, a violation of my normal self security precautions, I was sitting there reading a book to my patient. All of the sudden I heard this thud thud behind me. With a couple of cats, a dog and a flock of chickens running around, there are always little noises here and there. So I casually turned around to see what was outside the window. Imagine my surprise when I saw a couple of pairs of rump roast parked immediately outside the window.

 

With no one else around, it was up to me to get those walking sirloins behind the gate again. Cows are notorious for escaping their enclosures. Know the phrase, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? Cows invented it. 

 I hate cows, unless they are served for dinner. Anyway,  I waved my arms and hoot n' hollered just like a real cow wrangler. One by one I got 5 of the 7 escapees locked up again. I was gaining some confidence with these creatures. I had it all figured out. Chase all the cows that are still behind the gate away from the gate, then just get the escapees up in this corner, then open the gate and use the parked truck as a road block and then I can block the other exit. Ha! As long as they didn't retreat around the front of my durango I had it made. Yeah! I can do this! Then came number 6. He was a squirrelly rebellious young'un. As he was squirming around me and eventually out and down the road this big monster was sneaking around behind me.

This guy headed straight for the garden. Still feeling somewhat confident I circled around to get in front of him to head him off. So I started waving my arms and hoot n' hollerin' again. Well....all the other cows turn around and try to escape this craziness. Not this one. He just stood his ground and stared at me. Did I mention that I hate cows. This guy was not going to be intimidated by me. So I hid behind a little plum tree. And the big monster cow did whatever he wanted as I waved a stick at him from behind a tree.

(And just in case you were wondering. Yes, I have been around cows before. The field right next to my parents house is full of those fly attracting things. I used to live at my parent's house.)